How To Make It Through Child Loss - Is It Possible?
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Originally posted October 2017.
Updated September 2023 and May 2024.How To Make It Through Child Loss
Is that even possible? I mean, is it even possible to make it through child loss? I have been asked this question many times since I started to share my healing journey after the loss of my little boy over 9 years ago. This is a hard one for me to answer.
Here’s why…
I can not “get over” the loss of my child.
To me, this implies forgetting my child and what happened. I could never forget, nor do I want to. Every memory of my child is precious to me, even the incredibly difficult memories that are very hard to hold.
My life is forever changed because of my child’s life.
“They are the first person I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think about before bed.” Those were the words of a stranger on an airplane. We happened to sit next to each other on a flight less than a month after my son passed away. My eyes were still red and puffy from continuous mourning. And when my pain and child loss experience spilled over into me introducing myself to her, the sweet, older woman shared her story of loss as well. I was encouraged to hear the impact that a child can have on another’s life, no matter how long or short that child’s life was. This was a comfort because like I mentioned before, the idea of moving on and forgetting was very unsettling for me.
I feel compelled to share how God has comforted me.
In order to clearly and effectively share the comfort God has given through such deep pain, I have to remember the deep pain. It often feels like I’m reliving the pain and have to re-counsel myself through the truths and comfort God has given me over the years. It may be a little easier to do this, but it is still not easy.
The Better Question
Perhaps a better question to ask then is, “How have you been able to keep going after child loss and seem okay?” That one I can answer.
I was most definitely NOT okay for a long time after my son passed away. I was in the depths of despair, I could barely get out of bed, I had no appetite and lost so much weight, I cried when I was around others, I cried by myself, I tried to run away, I was angry at God, and I had no idea how I was going to make it through the next hour, let alone the rest of the day.
The pain in my heart was so deep and overwhelming. I felt completely and utterly broken and irreparable.
Here is where the change happened. It was not that “one day” hope and healing happened, it was over a long time. It stemmed from an ongoing conversation with God. Running to God with my pain, my groans, my anger, my deep sadness, my confusion… everything. I did not listen very well, but I continued to talk and to spew it all out before God. And this is what I tell all mothers who have lost a child — “Bring it all to God: the good, the bad, and the ugly. He can totally handle it.”
How do I know that God can handle it? One of the verses that stood out to me on my journey of grief after child loss was Isaiah 25:8. I want to unpack that with you below and share how it really met me in my pain as I started to listen to God’s answer to my grievances.
What does God do with deep, heart pain?
"He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the LORD has spoken." Isaiah 25:8
Have you ever found yourself asking where God is in the midst of unbearable pain? The kind of deep, gut-wrenching grief that makes even breathing feel like a chore. After losing my child, there was a point where it felt like my words failed and prayers felt hollow.
It was in one of these dark moments, nearing the 2 year anniversary of the birth and loss of my son, that I was struggling to see how God cares and meets my needs. I was grieving hard and deeply and believed the only way I could be relieved from my pain was to see my son alive again. God put this verse about the redeemed earth before my eyes, and four things stood out to me.
1. Death will be swallowed up.
It will be conquered in such a complete way that there will be no sign or impression left from it. No need to even remember it.
Oh, Mama, I know. The ache in your heart after child loss is so deep it feels like you'll never come up for air. Your child’s bedroom sits empty, and you're left wondering what went wrong. In this world that continues to spin as if nothing has happened, it's hard to even comprehend a future. You just want your child back, and the weight of that loss is indescribable. But can I share something with you, something that carried my heavy heart in my darkest moments?
Take a look at 1 Corinthians 15:54: “When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: ‘Death is swallowed up in victory.”' It's not just an Old Testament concept; it's a running theme throughout the whole Bible, solidified by Jesus' own resurrection. Jesus didn't just cheat death; He stomped it under His feet.
Think about Revelations 21:4: “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” This is not just poetic language. This is a promise, a guarantee signed and sealed by God Himself. The day is coming when death will not just be defeated; it will be eradicated, annihilated, utterly destroyed. We won't even have to give it a second thought. It’s kind of like the thing that made you sad when you were 5 years and 8 days old. Don’t remember? Yeah, me neither.
I know this doesn't bring your precious child back today, and honestly, nothing may completely fill that void on this side of heaven. But these promises give us a sure hope to help us keep going, a future where there's no such thing as a last goodbye. And it's signed and sealed by a God who not only understands loss but has done something radical about it.
So, dear Mama, in the midnight hours when the grief feels too heavy to bear, remember you're not alone. The God who promises to wipe away all tears is right there with you, and the day is coming when your heart will ache no more.
2. Tears will be wiped away by the Lord GOD himself.
God cares deeply about our pain and will personally intervene to take care of us, our sorrows, and our tears. He is near and will be nearer.
As a mother who's felt the unimaginable pain of losing a child, you might often find yourself soaked in tears in public and private. You might even wonder, 'Does God see? Does He even care?' I want to tell you, as emphatically as I can, that God does see. And not just that—He cares so deeply that He has promised to personally wipe away each tear. Isaiah 25:8 states, “He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces.” You see, when God makes a promise, He keeps it. It's not an outsourced job or a delegated task. God Himself will wipe away your tears.
Now you might be asking, “Can God really understand my pain?” He can and He does. Isaiah 53:3 describes Jesus as a “Man of Sorrows, acquainted with grief.” Jesus knows sorrow. He knows grief. He knows it very deeply. He walked through this world carrying the weight of our suffering, so He knows exactly what you're going through.
Sometimes it's easy to feel alone in your grief after child loss, as if you're completely broken and no one sees. But Psalm 34:18 offers hope and help: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” God isn't a distant observer. He's right there with you, helping you process, helping you grieve, helping you continue living.
And the time is coming when the tears you've cried will not only be wiped away but will be replaced with everlasting joy. Revelation 21:4 gently comes alongside us like a dear friend who feels our pain, wraps their arm around our heavy shoulders, and quietly shares a vision of the future, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Imagine that—a life free from tears, free from the pain that now feels like your constant companion. And it’s because we will be with Jesus and everything will be made right.
You see, the God who numbers the hairs on our heads (Matthew 10:30) is the same God who collects our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). Your grief, your tears, your pain—they matter to God. He's not just a bystander; He is the source and catalyst in your healing, today and for all the tomorrows that will come.
3. The reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth.
In my grief after child loss, I have sinned greatly against God and others; but my guilt, shame, and reproach are forgiven because of Jesus. What freedom and relief!
Sweet mama, if you've lost a child, the emotions can be so overwhelming that sometimes they spill over in ways you might regret later. Maybe you've found yourself snapping at people you love, wrestling with anger you don't know what to do with, or even shaking your fist at God. If that's you, you're not alone. I've been there too. In fact, let me introduce myself: 👋🏼“Hi, I’m Kathy. The #1 sinner, especially after my child passed away.” So yeah… in those moments, the weight of guilt and shame piles on top of already unbearable grief.
But the good news — the astonishingly beautiful news — is that our failings and our reproach are not the end of the story. Isaiah 25:8 declares, “He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth.” You caught that, right? “The reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth.” He didn't say, “He might take it away if you're good enough.” No, God is taking it away. Period.
Maybe you're thinking, “That sounds incredible, but how can I be sure God will forgive me?” Let me point you to Ephesians 1:7, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace.” It doesn't get clearer than that. Because of Jesus, you can be forgiven. So if you have turned from your sin and run to Jesus then you are forgiven. Not might be. You are.
And what about the guilt that lingers, that nagging voice that says, “You messed up too big this time”? Romans 8:1 brings hope: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Did you get that? “No condemnation.” Your sins are not only forgiven; they're purposely forgotten. As Hebrews 8:12 says, “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”
So, dearest mama, in your darkest moments, when you feel the worst about yourself, remember this: God has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). The weight you're carrying? You're not meant to bear it. God has taken it all upon Himself, leaving you free to breathe, to heal, and to live in His grace.
4. Simply because the LORD has spoken.
God says these things will happen. Why? Because I AM has spoken. God's Word is powerful. It is life!
Dear Mama, right now, you may be clinging to promises—perhaps the promise of life somehow getting better, the promise of drawing out the sorrow with a substance or retail therapy 🛍, the promise of healing, or the sheer promise of survival as you grieve the unimaginable loss of your precious child. But the promises of this world will eventually fail us. And if you are like me after suffering child loss, then having even more hope deferred is like being kicked while you are down. It makes it all even worse. But the beautiful thing is, there's one promise, one Word, that never fails—God's Word.
When God speaks, it's not like when we speak. We can say we'll do something and then life gets in the way, or we forget, or we just change our minds. That's not how it is with God. He says, “My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose” (Isaiah 46:10). God's promises aren't like human promises. They're solid, unbreakable, and guaranteed—simply because the LORD has spoken.
In the Bible, God often uses His covenant name “Yahweh,” which means “I AM.” This name isn't just a label; it's a declaration of who He is. “I AM” means He exists outside of time, limitations, and circumstances. When God says He will do something, it's as good as done. In fact, Jesus, who is God in the flesh, said, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away” (Matthew 24:35).
The words God speaks carry weight and authority like nothing else. Hebrews 4:12 reminds us, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” That means God's promises are not empty. They are alive, and they are life-giving, even in our deepest sorrow.
And don't overlook the power of God's Word to create life out of nothing. After all, it was by His Word that the universe came into existence (Genesis 1). So when God says He will wipe away every tear, end death, and remove our reproach, we can believe Him. Not just because it's a comforting thought, but because He has the power to do it, and He has promised it.
In the dark, when your heart is heavy with loss and grief after child loss, remember this: the God who spoke the universe into existence has spoken promises of comfort, hope, and future joy for you. These promises are your lifeline, as sure as if they have already happened, because God—the great “I AM”—has spoken.
Summary
In the shadow of deep heart pain after child loss, it's easy to feel adrift, isolated in sorrow, and cynical about the future.
If you've found yourself asking where God is in your agonizing loss, the words of Isaiah offer a lifeboat of hope. Our journey together through Isaiah 25:8 has illuminated not just a single verse but a tapestry of interwoven promises across Scripture that can comfort after child loss. From the ultimate victory over death to God Himself wiping away your tears, these divine pledges are guaranteed—simply because "the LORD has spoken."
So, dear Mama, as you navigate this journey of grief after child loss, cling onto these God-given promises. They are your best and only hope, offering a comfort that is deeper than our deepest pain and a hope that pierces through even the darkest cloud of grief. Remember, the One who holds the universe also holds you and your precious child in His hands.
This isn't wishful thinking; it's a heavenly promise from a God who has never broken His word. And that is worth clinging to.
These truths have had such an impact on my heart, I knew I had to share and make graphics so I could see them and remember them constantly during this season of my life. I pray it is an encouragement and blessing to you as well. ❤︎
Thankful for you all!
Soli Deo Gloria,
Kathy
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