Bereaved Mother's Day: Remembering Those Who've Lost
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Bereaved Mother's Day: Remembering Those Who’ve Lost
Truth is, I didn’t even know Bereaved Mother’s Day existed until my son passed away. But when I learned about it, I was thankful. It is good to recognize and remember mothers who’ve lost a child.
Bereaved Mother’s Day is the Sunday before traditional Mother's Day, serving as a gentle reminder of the strength and love that bereaved mothers carry every day. It's a day to pause, reflect, and honor the unique journey of motherhood that continues beyond loss.
As Bereaved Mother's Day approaches, my heart joins yours in a somber silence of what this day signifies for those of us who have endured the unthinkable loss of a child. This day may not be highlighted in every calendar, but it's deeply etched in our hearts, a solemn reminder of our journey through grief and the enduring love we hold for our children who are no longer with us. Bereaved Mother's Day transcends mere remembrance; it's a profound recognition of the complex tapestry of sorrow and love, and the way our children's memories continue to shape our lives.
Matthew 5:4
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
This day offers us a moment to reflect and connect, to face our grief while also embracing the comfort and hope that comes from knowing we do not walk this path alone. In our deepest valleys of loss, we find Jesus walking beside us, becoming our strength when our flesh and our heart fail. Like it says in Psalm 73:26.
On Bereaved Mother's Day, we find a quiet space to pause—to remember our children who have left this world too soon, to honor their lives in our thoughts and actions, and to hold them close in our hearts through both tears and love. It's a day for us to share our stories, to find strength in the support of others who understand our pain, and to seek comfort in the presence of Jesus, who meets us in our sorrow with open arms, offering peace and hope amid our grief.
The History of Bereaved Mother's Day and Why It Matters
Bereaved Mother's Day is a special day set aside to honor and remember mothers who have experienced the unimaginable loss of a child. It was founded in 2010 by Carlie Marie Dodd after experiencing child loss and seeing the need in the broader community of grieving mothers who felt unrecognized by the traditional Mother’s Day. Unlike traditional Mother's Day, which celebrates motherhood in all its joy, Bereaved Mother's Day acknowledges the profound pain and the unique journey of mothers who carry love and loss together in their hearts.
Psalm 34:18
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
The Heart Behind the Day
At its core, Bereaved Mother's Day is about recognition. It's about seeing and acknowledging the mothers who often feel invisible or forgotten in the wider celebrations of motherhood. This day says, "Your child, your love, and your loss matter." It's a day to remember that even in the deepest sorrow, you're not alone. Communities, families, and friends come together to show that every mother's experience is valid, every child is remembered, and every story of love and loss is important.
Why Bereaved Mother's Day Matters
For many, Bereaved Mother's Day is a crucial part of their healing journey. It provides a dedicated time and space to honor their child's memory and express their grief openly, without feeling the need to hide their pain. It's a day where the community can offer support and love, helping mothers feel seen and supported.
This day also invites us to sit with our grief, understanding that it's a testament to our love. It reminds us that in our journey of motherhood, even when our path takes a turn through the shadowed valleys of loss, we're not walking alone. Jesus meets us in our pain, offering comfort and hope. Bereaved Mother's Day is not just about remembering our children; it's about acknowledging our enduring connection to them, and the hope and healing found in Jesus, who walks beside us every step of the way.
Acknowledging Bereaved Mother’s Day
Bereaved Mother’s Day arrives quietly, a day set aside especially for mothers like us, who carry the love for our children in hearts that have known the deepest loss. It’s a day that understands our journey and offers a gentle reminder that we are not alone in our grief. Recognizing this day can be both a comfort and a challenge, as it invites us to remember and honor our children in a world that often rushes past our pain.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."
Making Space for Remembrance
On Bereaved Mother’s Day, creating a moment of remembrance can be as simple or as elaborate as feels right for you. Some mothers might light a candle, letting its gentle glow symbolize the love that burns eternally for their child. Others may visit a place that was special to their child or plant a tree in their memory—a living tribute that grows with time, much like our love for them.
It’s also a day to reach out, perhaps more quietly and personally. Writing a letter to your child can be a powerful way to articulate the love, dreams, and memories that you hold dear. Sharing stories about your child with someone who understands can feel like a way to process more and find some healing. It can be a way to say, “They lived, they mattered,” in a space where every memory and every tear is held sacred.
Encouraging Community and Support
Bereaved Mother’s Day is not just about individual remembrance but also about the community. It’s about connecting with others who truly understand the complexity of celebrating the love for a child who is no longer physically with us. Online forums, local support groups, or even a small gathering of friends who’ve experienced similar losses can provide a sense of solidarity. Within these spaces, we find understanding, shared strength, and perhaps even the quiet comfort of not having to explain our grief.
Engaging in community activities, whether virtual or in-person, can help us feel less isolated in our grief. Participating in a memorial walk, attending a service dedicated to lost children, or joining a bereaved mothers’ group online are all ways to connect with others who walk this path. In these connections, we find not only support but also the gentle affirmation that our children’s lives continue to impact the world in meaningful ways.
Words of Comfort: What to Say and Not to Say
In navigating Bereaved Mother’s Day, the choice of words can profoundly affect a grieving mother. Here’s a guide to help:
What to Say:
“I’m remembering your child with you today.”
“Your love for your child is beautiful and visible.”
“Would you like to share a memory of your child with me?”
“Your child’s story has touched my heart in profound ways.”
“I’m here to listen if you want to talk about your child.”
“How can I support you best today and in the days to come?”
“I’d love to know more about your child if you feel like sharing.”
“Your journey has been incredibly tough, but you’re not alone.”
“Would you like to do something special to honor your child’s memory today?”
What Not to Say:
“It’s time to move on.”
“At least you have other children.”
“You can always have more children.”
“They’re in a better place now.”
“It will all work out for good, you just have to have faith.”
Choosing words that validate a bereaved mother’s feelings and honor her child’s memory can be a profound gift on Bereaved Mother’s Day. It’s about creating space for her grief, acknowledging her motherhood, and affirming that her child’s life, no matter how brief, is significant and remembered.
Bereaved Mother’s Day offers us a pause, a breath amidst the hustle of life, to acknowledge the depth of our loss and the endless bounds of our love. It’s a day where the world acknowledges that to love, remember, and miss our children is not just a journey we embark on alone but a shared path of healing, hope, and remembering the light they brought into our lives.
Personal Reflections on Bereaved Mother's Day
As Bereaved Mother's Day draws near, I'm reminded of my own journey through the valleys of grief and the slow, gradual climb towards a place of gratitude. It's a day that holds complex emotions for me, as it likely does for many of you.
The Early Days of Grief
Honestly, after my son Jack passed away, I would be filled with dread as Mother’s Day approached. The thought of sitting in church, surrounded by families celebrating their children, while my arms ached for my baby Jack, was unbearable. I wished for illness to avoid the day, to not have to face the reminders of what I had lost. Seeing other children, especially those around Jack's age, was a painful echo of my emptiness.
I missed Jack with an intensity that words can scarcely describe. The joy observed in other mothers, their laughter and their embraces, felt like a spotlight on the void in my life. The contrast between their celebrations and my mourning was obvious.
But the truth is, there were other mothers who struggled silently. Friends who had lost their own moms, and mothers who had lost their children, old and very young. Because I grieved so openly, some felt comfortable sharing their own pain and loss with me. It helped me feel not alone.
A Shift Towards Gratitude
But time, as it sometimes does, brought about a change. It wasn't rapid, nor was it easily noticeable at first, but my heart began to heal, ever so slightly, with God's gentle hand guiding me through my grief. The transformation in how I viewed Mother's Day was gradual. I began to see that even in the midst of profound loss, there was a need for thankfulness.
Did I mention it took me years to reach this point? Grief has no timeline. I understand that your story, your journey through loss, might look different from mine. And that's okay. Each path through grief is unique, deeply personal, and valid.
Finding Thankfulness in Loss
What does it look like to have thankfulness amidst such loss? Trigger warning: scroll down (skip ahead 2 minutes). For me, it meant acknowledging the precious moments I did have with my baby Jack. Despite the brief time, I am very grateful for every memory, every touch, every whisper of his existence. I thanked God for the privilege of carrying Jack, for the chance to see him, touch him, and hear his tiny voice. When Jack passed, he was cradled in love, covered with tear-drenched kisses as he left my arms to be in the arms of Jesus.
Your experience was probably different. Maybe your time with your child was confined to a few weeks in the womb, or perhaps you mourn an older child. The pain embedded in each story is immeasurable, unique, and deeply personal. Yet, amidst the anguish, there might be slivers of gratitude to be found - not as a denial of your pain, but as a testament to the love you have for your child. Every life is a gift.
Thankfulness Amidst Grief
This thankfulness doesn't negate the grief or the longing. It doesn't mask the pain with a veneer of happiness. Instead, it coexists with our sorrow, offering a glimmer of hope. As bereaved mothers, acknowledging these moments of gratitude doesn't diminish our grief; it serves to honor our children and the profound impact they've had on our lives.
As we approach Bereaved Mother's Day, let's give ourselves permission to feel the full spectrum of our emotions. It's okay to dwell in the sadness, to acknowledge the ache in our hearts. But let's also consider, even if just for a moment, the aspects of motherhood for which we can still be thankful. It's a journey, one that takes time, and it's perfectly okay to be wherever you are on that path.
Coping and Healing on Bereaved Mother's Day
Bereaved Mother's Day brings with it a tide of emotions that can feel overwhelming. It's a day set aside to honor and remember the children we've lost and to recognize the journey of mothers who carry this unique form of grief. It's okay to feel a whirlwind of sadness, love, and maybe even hope intertwined within your heart. This day is for you, to acknowledge your loss, your love, and your continuing bond with your child.
Revelation 21:4
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."
Embracing Your Feelings
On Bereaved Mother's Day, giving yourself permission to feel whatever comes up is important. You just need to bring it all to God. There's no right or wrong way to experience this day. Some find solace in solitude, taking time to reflect and remember in quiet. Others may seek the company of loved ones who understand and share their loss. You might light a candle, write a letter to your child, or spend time in a place that was special to you both. These small acts are a powerful way to connect with your child’s memory.
Remember, it's okay to smile and laugh on this day, too. Finding moments of joy doesn't diminish the depth of your love or the reality of your loss. It's a testament to the resilience of your heart, capable of holding both sorrow and joy.
Finding Comfort in Community
Bereaved Mother's Day can also be a time to reach out to a community that understands your journey. Whether it's a support group, an online forum, or friends who have experienced a similar loss, connecting with others who recognize the depth of your pain can be incredibly comforting. Sharing your stories and listening to others can create a sense of belonging and understanding that's hard to find elsewhere.
It's also a day to remember that you're not walking this path alone. Jesus meets us in our pain. He understands the depth of our sorrow and brings us hope and healing. Not necessarily in a good life now, but in himself. I actually did not understand or feel like it made much difference at first. It wasn’t until I started recognizing that Jesus was continuing to show his love for me in spite of me that I finally started to appreciate and feel my need for his presence. He wants a relationship with me and that makes all the difference. Jesus wants a relationship with you too.
Psalm 147:3
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Bereaved Mother's Day is a day to remember and honor mothers who have loved and lost. It's a day to acknowledge your pain but also to remember the love that will forever connect you to your child. Take this day to care for yourself, reach out for support if you need it, and ask for space to process through your loss a little more. Your journey of healing is unique, and however you choose to spend Bereaved Mother's Day, know that your feelings are valid, your loss is recognized, and your child is remembered.
Creating a Community of Support on Bereaved Mother’s Day
Finding Your Support Network
Bereaved Mother’s Day can feel like navigating through the dark valley of the shadow of death, like Psalm 23 talks about. Finding others who tread a similar path can offer a sense of belonging and understanding that is hard to find elsewhere. It's about connecting with those special individuals who comprehend the depth of your loss intuitively, without any need for explanations.
Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Building or finding a community doesn’t need to be an overwhelming task. It begins with a simple step of reaching out, perhaps by joining a support group where stories similar to yours echo. These groups are often available in local community centers, places of worship, or through online platforms. The aim is to find a space where the significance of Bereaved Mother’s Day is recognized and shared empathy can offer comfort.
Sharing and Healing Together
Sharing your story might feel daunting at first. You might wonder if your words will find the right ears, or if you can handle the stories of others. But there’s healing in sharing, in the give-and-take of support and understanding. On Bereaved Mother’s Day, these connections remind us we’re not alone in our grief.
Encourage yourself to take small steps. Maybe share a favorite memory of your child, or simply listen to others. Each step, no matter how small, is a move towards healing. Remember, it's okay to share your pain and your love for your child; these are the threads that weave bereaved mothers together.
This day, while set aside to honor mothers like us, also offers a chance to build bonds that support us through all seasons of grief. As you reflect on Bereaved Mother’s Day, consider reaching out, making connections, and finding comfort in the community of mothers who, like you, understand the profound depth of love and loss.
Your Child’s Legacy and Memory
Bereaved Mother's Day brings a mix of emotions. It's a day marked on the calendar that whispers to us, gently reminding us of the precious lives we hold in our hearts but not in our arms.It's a day not just for remembering but for feeling that invisible thread that connects us to our children, weaving their memory into the fabric of our lives.
Creating Lasting Memories
Creating memories on Bereaved Mother's Day doesn't require grand gestures. Sometimes, it's the quiet moments that feel the most profound. Planting a tree or a flower in your garden can be a beautiful way to honor your child. As it grows, so does the love you carry for them, visible and enduring. Writing a letter to your child can be another powerful way to process grief. Share your thoughts, your dreams for them, and how they've touched your life. You can thank God for them. This act of writing can be a release, a way to pour out your heart and remember how impactful the gift of their life is.
Check out this post for more ideas on remembering your child and the gift of their life.
Jesus: Our Comfort and Shepherd
Bereaved Mother's Day stands as a testament not to our strength but to the presence of Jesus with us in our deepest pain. It acknowledges that it's incredibly hard to lose a child, a journey through the darkest valley that we were never meant to walk alone. You've heard me say it, and it remains profoundly true: Our pain will push us somewhere. Our pain needs to push us to God.
He is the Good Shepherd who carries us through the shadow of death. In our grief, when we feel utterly lost and the weight of our loss engulfs us, Jesus is there. He walks with us, carries us, and offers the peace that surpasses all understanding. On this day, turning our hearts to Him, laying bare our sorrows, fears, and longing for our child, we are met with compassion and grace.
Bereaved Mother's Day is about honoring the deep love we have for our children and recognizing the silent footsteps of Jesus beside us, carrying us when we cannot stand, comforting us with the promise of His unfailing presence.
As we observe Bereaved Mother's Day, let us lean into the truth that we are not journeying alone. Amidst the heartache and the tears, there is a guiding hand leading us, showing us the way forward. Our children, forever in our hearts, leave a legacy of love—a love that Jesus enfolds in His embrace, reminding us that in Him, our pain finds a place of healing and hope.
Conclusion
As I think about Bereaved Mother's Day, I want to give each of you a hug. This journey of loss is so so hard.
This day, while marked by sadness, also brings us together as we express our love and remember our children. It's a day that reminds us we're not isolated in our grief; rather, we are part of a larger, compassionate community that understands the depth of our loss and the boundless nature of our love. What a gift from God!
In sharing our experiences and opening our hearts to the comfort found in Jesus, we find not only solace but also a shared hope. Bereaved Mother's Day serves as a gentle reminder that our children's legacies continue to influence us and the world in meaningful ways, through the love we carry for them and the stories we share.
Let this day be a testament to the strength found in vulnerability, to the peace that comes from Jesus, and to the enduring connection we have with our children. As we navigate the complexities of grief and healing, may we also recognize the moments of grace and comfort given by God through the Bible, the support of our community, and the unending love that binds us to our children.
In the quiet moments of today, and in the days to come, may you feel the presence of Jesus, carrying you through your darkest valleys. Together, we honor the memories of our precious children, finding strength in our shared journey and comfort in the knowledge that we are never truly alone.
Bereaved Mother's Day is more than a day of remembrance—it's a day that reaffirms our enduring love, bringing us closer to each other and to Jesus. In Him, we find the courage to continue, the strength to stand, and hope for tomorrow.
Soli Deo Gloria,
Kathy
