What Happened When I Lost Joy After Unexpected Tragedy

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“When God withholds something good from us, we learn whether or not we are content to have God and nothing else.”
— Marshall Segal

Lost Joy: When Life is Nothing Like You Expected

As another birthday approaches, I’ve been reflecting on my life. Am I the only one who’s younger self imagined what their older self would be like? Sometimes my dreams were silly and self-centered. Sometimes my dreams were for service and sacrifice, but with an adventurous twist like the missionary stories I read as a little girl.

God has graciously given joy and happiness in my life, but He has also given me with deep pain and heartache. Now, God has been slowly prying my fingers loose that were tightly gripping my dreams and has been replacing them with His dreams for me. Far richer. Far sweeter. Far better. But not far easier. 

Being a Mom Was My Dream

I know I’ve been talking in generalities, so let me be specific. By 30, I imagined I’d be a mom. Many of my 30-year-old friends are moms, and many aren’t. Being a mom is a good gift, so there was nothing wrong with that dream in and of itself. But that dream trumped my desire for God’s glory. How do I know that was the case? Because when God decided to glorify Himself by taking away my child, my world was wrecked. When God decided that years would pass with no biological or adopted children, I fell into depression and despair. It sounds very childish to me as I write. But the pain was (and still is sometimes) so real and so deep that the brokenness is all I can see. I had lost joy and didn’t know if it would ever return.

What Has God Given Me in Return?

But what has God given me in return?
Something better.
Richer.
Fuller.
Deeper.
Sweeter.
Jesus.

I didn’t see this at first by any means! A month or so after my son died, I said, “If this is what God’s love looks like, then I want nothing to do with it.”

But actually, God’s Love looks like Jesus on the cross and rising from the dead!

God is showing me that to know Jesus and His sufferings is joy and eternally valuable.

Through the loss of my son, infertility, and prolonged waiting for adoption, I’ve thought joy and happiness would never dare to step foot again into my painful life. I had lost joy, and my world felt empty.

But God Had Other Plans

But God had other plans. Plans to show me my joy was based on small, temporal things, and He wanted me to experience ENORMOUS eternal joy!

The Beauty of God’s Plans

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 says, “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

Joy that reaches deeper than my deepest pain! This joy and happiness is solely experienced from knowing God through His Word.

Practical Steps to Find Joy in Jesus

Let’s break this down into practical steps to help you understand how to find joy in Jesus, even in the midst of unexpected tragedy and when you feel you have lost joy.

Before: Feeling Lost and Broken

1. Acknowledge Your Pain: Recognize and admit the depth of your grief and loss. It’s okay to feel broken and lost.

2. Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive community that understands your pain. This can be friends, family, or support groups.

3. Express Your Emotions: Don’t bottle up your feelings. Cry, talk, write, or find other healthy ways to express your grief.

After: Experiencing Joy in Christ

1. Rediscover Joy: Find joy in small moments and simple things. Over time, these moments will add up.

2. Strengthen Your Faith: Dive deeper into your relationship with God. Read the Bible, pray, and seek His presence.

3. Share Your Journey: Sharing your story can be healing for you and encouraging for others going through similar experiences.

The Difference Maker: How to Transition from Pain to Joy

1. Lean into God’s Promises: Trust in God’s promises, like the one found in 2 Corinthians 4:17-18. These promises offer hope and perspective.

2. Engage with Scripture: Make reading the Bible a daily habit. Find passages that speak to your heart and meditate on them.

3. Connect with the Community: Join a Bible study or a support group that focuses on finding joy in Christ. This will provide both spiritual and emotional support.
   

Finding Eternal Joy After You Have Lost Joy

Eternal joy? What’s that? Eternal joy cannot be taken away. It is a gift from God that is not dependent on outside circumstances. 

What does eternal joy look like? This kind of joy is joy that reaches deeper than my deepest pain! Joy and happiness solely experienced from knowing God through His Word. So let’s read the Word, friends! And share with others the joy found in Jesus!

Bible Verses for Reflection

Here are some Bible verses that have been particularly meaningful to me during my journey of deep grief to finding a deeper joy:

1. Philippians 4:4-7: "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

2. Romans 8:18: "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

3. John 16:22: "So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you."

4. Hebrews 12:2 "looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Encouragement for the Journey

In the midst of deep sorrow, it’s hard to imagine ever feeling joy again. But God’s plans for us are far greater than we can comprehend. It does take trust, but not blind trust. We can get to know Him through the Bible, and God really wants us to know Him. He desires for us to experience a joy that surpasses all understanding—a joy found only in Him. Let’s hold onto that hope and trust in His promises.

Remember:

• God is with you: He never leaves you, even in your darkest moments.

• Joy is possible: Through Christ, you can find joy that transcends your circumstances.

• You are not alone: There is a community of believers who understand and support you.

Conclusion

As I continue to reflect on my journey, I see how God has been faithful in turning my mourning into joy. It’s not an easy path, but it’s one filled with God’s grace and love. My prayer is that you, too, will find this joy and share it with others.

So, dear friends, let’s read the Word and find joy in Jesus. Let’s support one another in our grief and celebrate the eternal joy that awaits us. Even when you feel you have lost joy, know that God can restore it in ways you never imagined.

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