Creating a Memorial: Honoring Your Child
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Have you lost a child too?
I know it is so so hard. And one of my biggest fears in the wake of loss was moving on and forgetting.
In a way, there really is no moving on. Your life is forever changed. I didn’t want my life to go back to “normal.” I wanted to honor the depth of my loss, but I also wanted to do it in a healthy way.
Here are some ideas for honoring your child’s life, no matter how short in or out of the womb.
If you’re here because you want to support someone who has, this list can give you ideas on how to come along side them and support in a meaningful way.
1. Cultivating Hope - A Garden of Love
Creating a memory garden in honor of your child can be a profoundly beautiful way to nurture hope and healing. It can be a special place to thank God for the time you did have, even if it was only a few days and a positive pregnancy test.
Create Your Memory Garden in 5 Steps:
1. Find the Right Spot:
Choose a peaceful space on your yard or balcony with sunlight. It could be a small corner or a few pots on a windowsill.
2. Pick Flowers with Meaning:
Select flowers like lilies for purity and roses for love, each holding special significance. Consider the memories they evoke.
3. Plan the Layout:
Sketch a simple design for your flowers, whether in a border, flower bed, or pots. Even limited space can work well.
4. Add Natural Elements:
Add personal touches like colorful stones with a Bible verse, wind chimes, or hand-painted signs. Let these details infuse your garden with your love and faith in God who is caring for you.
5. Plant with Care:
As you plant, remember that even more tenderly than you can nurture these blooms, Jesus nurtures your grieving heart.
Set aside time to sit in your garden and pray. Reflect on your child's memory and what God has done. Pray, meditate on Scripture, or simply find calm in the garden's serenity. One thing I like to do is pray and thank God for my child, for caring for us in our loss, and also to ask for continued help for the future.
As your garden flourishes, invite friends or family to join you. Sharing fosters community and solidarity in your healing journey. It can also inspire others to glorify God and lean into him more because of how he has held you through such deep pain.
2. Conversations with God: Soulful Journaling
In this digital era, journaling can feel like an intimate conversation with God. Create a special journal to pour out your thoughts, prayers, and messages to God about your child. Consider it a way of dialoguing with Jesus, sharing your pain, hopes, and struggles. Let your words become a testimony to your unwavering love and faith, knowing that Jesus listens to the depths of your heart.
1. Choose a Journal:
Select a journal that resonates with you, whether simple or decorative, creating a connection to the process.
2. Find Quiet Space:
Designate a quiet and comfortable space where you can focus and reflect without distractions. This could be a cozy corner of your home or even a peaceful outdoor spot.
3. Set Intentions:
Before you begin, set an intention for your journaling session. It could be a prayer for guidance, healing, or simply a desire to know God more by journaling about Scripture.
4. Write from the Heart:
Let your thoughts flow freely. Address God directly, sharing your pain, struggles, and hopes. Be honest and open in your journaling. God knows your heart, and this is a safe space to express your true feelings, even if they're difficult or conflicting. Don’t hold back.
5. Reflect on Scripture:
Incorporate meaningful Bible verses, letting them guide your thoughts. Write down verses that resonate with you. As you conclude each journaling session, take a moment to reflect on what you've written. Offer a closing prayer, thanking God for meeting you in your need.
Whenever I get to revisit previous journal entries, I’m amazed at what God has brought me through and what he’s done. It reminds me of the song Look Where I’m Standing Now, by Phil Wickham.
Whether you’re consistent or not, the point is to do it when your heart needs it and let it push you to God.
3. Love in Action: Serving Others in Jesus' Name
Real faith produces real fruit. One way that can happen is through service. Turn your pain into a positive force by volunteering or supporting a cause that resonates with you. Jesus served the forgotten and marginalized. By serving others, you're continuing your child's legacy of love in Jesus' name, finding purpose in compassion.
Finding ways to serve others in Jesus' name can be a beautiful way to honor your child's memory and channel your grief into something positive.
Here's how you can get started:
1. Choose a Cause:
Select a cause that resonates with you and your child's memory. It could be related to children's health, supporting families in need, or any cause that holds significance to you.
2. Research Local Organizations:
Look for local organizations or charities that align with your chosen cause. Research their missions, activities, and how they impact the community.
3. Volunteer Your Time:
Consider volunteering your time and skills to these organizations. Whether it's helping at a food bank or Ronald McDonald house, reading to children, or organizing events, your contributions can make a meaningful impact.
4. Donate in Memory:
Make a donation to a cause that reflects your childs memory. This could be a monetary donation or a donation of goods that are needed by the organization. One Christmas, we donated to Voice Of The Martyrs the money we would’ve spent on gifts for our child who passed because of how God has used them in my grief journey.
5. Create Care Packages:
Put together care packages for families going through challenging times and fill them with things that would’ve been an encouragement to you in the wake of your loss. Some ideas: a book, journal, handwritten note, gift card, candle, Bible verse card, meaningful jewelry, etc.
6. Organize Fundraisers:
Host a fundraiser or charity event to raise awareness and funds for your chosen cause. It could be a bake sale, a charity run, or an online fundraising campaign.
7. Share Your Story:
Honestly, I believe this is one of the most impactful things you could do for someone. Open up about your journey of loss and how God is helping you, even if you don’t feel healed. Your story can inspire others and encourage them to run to God in the hard times and see Jesus as the Greatest Treasure that he is.
8. Support Other Moms Who’ve Lost:
Consider supporting other mothers who’ve experienced loss. I know it’s hard, but simply offering a listening ear, praying with them and for them, sharing resources, or providing practical assistance can be life-changing.
Remember, your act of service is not just a way to honor your child's memory, but also a way to share how our kind God meets us in our pain. Your child's impact can live on through the love and care you extend to others in Jesus' name. As you serve, you're not only honoring your child's memory but also creating a legacy of compassion and hope for the glory of God.
4. Creative Catharsis: Expressing Through Art
Embrace your creativity as a channel for healing and remembrance. Create artwork, write, or craft something that symbolizes your child's impact. Incorporate symbols from Jesus' teachings, like the image of the Good Shepherd. As you engage in creative expression, you're fostering a connection with Jesus, using art as a source of solace.
Engaging in art and creativity can be a therapeutic and faith-centered way to process grief and remember your child. Here's how you can embrace healing through art and creativity:
1. Choose Your Creative Outlet:
Select an artistic medium that resonates with you, like painting, drawing, writing, or crafting. Choose a form that allows you to express your emotions authentically.
2. Begin with Prayer: Start with prayer, asking for God’s guidance, comfort, and inspiration as you express your emotions.
3. Reflect on Scripture:
Incorporate verses from the Bible that bring you comfort and align with your feelings. Let these verses guide your creative process, infusing it with faith. I love doing Scripture art, where I find a Bible verse and creatively write it out and design around it as I meditate on the truths of what it means and how God interacts with my pain. I’ve also sketched a scene of me walking through the valley of the shadow of death yet not fearing evil because God is with me (Psalm 23) with my little one looking down from heaven.
4. Embrace Imperfection:
Remember that your art doesn't have to be perfect; it's a reflection of your emotions and faith in God. Embrace the imperfections as part of your healing process.
5. Share Your Creations:
Consider sharing your artwork with a close friend or family member. Sharing can offer a sense of connection and healing as others witness your journey of faith and healing. I chose to share my grief art with my husband. I explained to him how different elements symbolized different things from my feelings and perspective to events, etc. It helped him understand what I was going through a little better which led to better communication on our grief journey.
Through your creative expression, remember to lean into Jesus as you remember your precious child. As you pour your emotions into your art, trust that Jesus is beside you, holding you in your journey of healing. Your creations become a testimony to your faith, a visual reminder of God carrying you through the hardest time, and a tribute to your child's impact on your heart and life.
5. Gathering for Remembrance: A Heartfelt Memorial
Bringing loved ones together for a memorial can provide some solace as they try to support you in your grief. Invite family and friends to join you in a special ceremony filled with prayer, Scripture, and worship. Jesus' words in Matthew 5:4, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted," offer hope and assurance.
Here are 10 simple ways to create a meaningful gathering:
1. Invite Loved Ones:
Reach out to close family and friends who've been supportive during your journey. Their presence can offer comfort and a sense of unity.
2. Choose a Meaningful Location:
Select a serene location that holds significance for you. It could be a park, a garden, a beach, or even your own backyard. Some funeral homes offer discounted rates for child memorials.
3. Open with Prayer:
Begin with a heartfelt prayer, asking for God’s comfort and peace as you remember the good gift of your sweet child. Consider also praying Scripture.
4. Scripture Readings:
Read Bible verses that offer hope and reassurance. Consider passages like Psalm 34:18 and Matthew 5:4, reminding you that Jesus is close to the brokenhearted.
5. Personal Reflections:
Invite those gathered to share memories, thoughts, or reflections about your child and what God has done. This can be a way to praise God for your child's life and the impact they had. At our child’s memorial, my husband and I read each of our “Thankful” lists. When we wrote them, we were surprised by how much we could be thankful for in the deepest, hardest time of our lives. Afterwards, we heard how impactful that was for our friends who attended. And whenever I go back and read those lists on anniversaries, I am amazed that I was even able to write that. It was so hard, but somehow God buoyed our souls.
6. Symbolic Time:
Release balloons or lanterns as a symbolic gesture of sending your love to your child. On our child’s birthday, we like to write letters to our child and to Jesus on a balloon and then release it together and watch it rise to heaven. You can also light candles, representing the brevity of life yet by God’s grace it has a lasting impact. These can be beautiful visual representations of your hope in Jesus.
7. Music and Worship:
Incorporate worship songs that bring comfort and connection to Jesus. Singing together can create a sense of unity and a space for healing. I really wanted to share a song that meant a lot to me at my son’s memorial, but I didn’t think I could get through singing it without weeping. So I recorded it ahead of time. Later, I made a little video of the few pictures I had with the recording as the background music. It’s something I go back to on my child’s anniversaries to remember him and remember how God has been with me.
8. Closing Prayer of Hope:
End the gathering with a prayer of hope, expressing gratitude for your child's life, and asking Jesus to continue to guide you on your grief journey.
Remember, your child's life, no matter how brief, is a precious gift. By gathering for a heartfelt memorial, you're creating a space where hope can flourish even in the midst of the deepest pain. Allow this gathering to be a testament to what God has done and your commitment to follow Jesus even when it’s hard.
Summary
I know it’s hard to lose your child. It’s so so hard. And it’s definitely hard to trust God and lean on him through it all. But let me encourage you to do just that. And as you remember your child and their impact on you, let this list give you ideas on how to do that in a God-glorifying way that also brings healing.
You will never forget your child. They will always be a part of you.
Whether through creating a memory garden, engaging in soulful journaling, serving others in Jesus' name, expressing emotions through art, or gathering for a heartfelt memorial, each approach offers a unique way to bring God’s sovereignty, goodness, and wisdom into you and your child’s story.
By channeling your grief into meaningful actions, you're not only remembering your child's impact but also allowing Jesus to carry you through the darkest moments. These ideas can guide you in creating a lasting tribute that not only honors your child's life but also fosters hope and healing and encourages you to know and love Jesus more.
Remember, you're not alone on this journey, and God is with you every step of the way.
Soli Deo Gloria,
Kathy
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As a mom who’s suffered the loss of my child, I know deep heart pain.
I tried to run from God, but he convinced me of his love and comforted my heart with hope and healing in Jesus.
Now, it’s my mission to share this same comfort with others who’ve experienced the pain of miscarriage and infant loss.
