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Discipleship can come in many forms

There are a lot of things that have changed me over the years. You could probably say the same thing.

The most life-altering event of my life was when my son passed away. The vulnerable years that followed were incredibly shapely too. Since my faith was shaken to its core, I re-evaluated everything in my life. Is God really there? Does he even care? What does God’s love look like in my life? What should I live for?

Some of these answers I searched out, some I questioned God with, but all were questions from deep within my heart that I knew had to be answered by God himself and not someone’s idea of him.

I thank God for my counselor who met with me weekly for over a year and listened to me, studied the Bible with me, prayed with me, and cried with me. She was the hands and feet of Jesus during my darkest time.

Side note: If you want to change a life, do what my counselor/mentor did and contend for the faith in someone’s life in a loving, gentle, humble way. Sometimes it’s just listening and praying for yeeaars. But it’s ground zero work. It will force you out of your comfort zone, but lean hard into God and His Word the Bible. Run to him in prayer and pray Scripture over your friend. This is life changing for you and the one you’re investing in. Discipleship is always two ways.

Since my plans to be a mom didn’t happen, I ended up having some extra time. Proverbs 16:27 says, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” So as time went on and I began processing my grief, I knew I couldn’t stay in bed and weep all day and night.

Two things I did was I started reading more and I started running while listening to podcasts.

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Bible based prayers for Bereaved parents

The similarity in our losses

I’m not sure where I got my first copy of Voice Of The Martyrs Magazine growing up, but when I started reading it after losing my baby, I had a completely different perspective on it. Yes, the stories are very different from mine, and yet there are similarities. The biggest similarity is the life-changing loss these Christians face.

Our losses look different, but I was challenged in this: make my loss about Jesus. Here’s what I mean… These Christians you read about in the Voice Of The Martyrs Magazine or in their books have been persecuted for their faith in Jesus.

While I can’t say that my loss is because people persecuted me for my faith, I can still make it all about Jesus. Really, making it all about Jesus is the only way my loss will feel purposeful to me. I still hate that my son died. It’s okay to still hate death and separation, but at least it’s not completely meaningless.

Jesus wept when Lazarus died, but there was a reason he died. Lazarus died for the glory of God. Hard to swallow, but it’s true. We often want to skip ahead and say that he was made alive for the glory of God, which is also true. But don’t forget that he had to die first, which feels so terrible because death is so terrible. But realize that Jesus was glorified as the Life-Giver in impossible situations. And this is what I hear from people who’ve watched my family’s story unfold: You have such strong faith. Ummm… No. I know what’s in my heart. I don’t have strong faith. I have a strong God! He gave me life through Jesus in an impossible situation! Not to me, not to me, but to God alone be glory.

In Voice Of The Martyrs, you read story after story of impossible situations. How can faith grow when everything hurts? How can they still love a God who let’s terrible things happen to their families? I am more than challenged by their stories. I am fueled to love God more.

One sentence kept echoing through my mind as I learned and cried over the stories of my brothers and sisters suffering for Jesus: If God can help them in their pain, then surely he can help me too.

And. He. Has. Abundantly.

Has it taken years? Absolutely. Has it been a smooth, upward road? Absolutely not. Have I needed help? A thousand yes’s!

But I’m here to tell the story of God in my life.

Favorite Voice Of The Martyrs Resources

Know that these resources, especially the books, have stories of traumatic events. They may have triggers that might be unhelpful depending on where you’re at in your grief journey. There were several seasons where I couldn’t handle hearing other people’s hard stories because I felt it so deeply that it would send me into a PTSD response. So my advice is that if you feel like this could be helpful, to share it with a spouse or friend. They can be a support to help you not focus on the trial as much as the great God who is with them in it.

Also, the magazine and podcast typically have stories that aren’t quite as hard to read as some in the books.

Voice Of The Martyrs Magazine

The Voice Of The Martyrs Magazine is a free monthly resource you can get here. We keep ours on our coffee table so anyone can read it. In fact, my toddler is very interested in the stories. We often sit down together and I’ll tell at an age-appropriate level the stories of these Christians who continued to love Jesus no matter what happened to them. My prayer is that my toddler will see from their example how Jesus really is the greatest Treasure.

I know that stories like this can make people feel uncomfortable. When I would read some stories to my prayer group in college, some of the girls came to me afterward and asked me to stop because the stories were too sad. Yes, they are sad. Yes, what our brothers and sisters are going through is so so hard. But we have to know so we can pray for them. And besides, knowing how God is strengthening them in terribly dark situations can embolden us in our faith as well.

Hearts Of Fire

This book came at such a timely place in my grief journey. I was struggling with resentment toward God for allowing my baby to die. I didn’t know how I could keep going. But then I read this book. One of the first stories (might be the first, I can’t check because I gave my copy to a friend) was about a mama who lost her whole family. I was just overwhelmed at how God sustained her and her faith. Every story was more evidence that I can trust God no matter what.

Tortured For Christ, the book and movie

This one is really heavy. I read the book on a plane and couldn’t put it down, but I was weeping the entire time. The movie is also good but heavy and doesn’t cover every story in the book. People often say books are better than their movies, but in this case, they are both equally impactful. The book tells several stories, and Richard Wurmbrand wrote it shortly after being released from prison. The movie mainly tells the story of Richard’s life and experiences in prison. Both are really heavy and really moving. Perhaps not the best thing to read or watch at the beginning of a grief journey, but it could be more helpful as you get to the point of wrestling with God’s sovereignty and goodness over suffering and death.

Wurmbrand: Tortured For Christ the Complete Story

This biography of Richard and Sabina’s lives is really incredible. Another book that I couldn’t put down on a plane ride. As I read through it, I remember thinking, “There’s no way I could go through the same thing. But I do have the same God, so maybe he would bring me through it too. Maybe he can bring me through”

When Faith Is Forbidden

I love this book! It’s incredibly inspiring to read these 40 different short stories of people who find Jesus to be more than worthy to suffer and sacrifice for. Typically I do my Bible study at night, but I love reading one of the short stories from this book in the morning to help me focus on what really matters for the day.

VOM Radio (Apple podcast link)

When your mind has nothing to actively think about, what does it wander to? Do fears, lies, anxiety, or worthless things creep in? I’ve definitely had whole seasons of that - an almost constant struggle. There has to be active warfare against the negativity to help me focus on the truths about who God is and how he interacts with my pain.

One of the ways I find to be very effective in combating fear, lies, and anxiety is to hear how God helps others in their pain. When I read, watch, or listen to stories of my brothers and sisters on VOM radio, so many thoughts flood my mind. How can they still trust God? I could never go through that. I couldn’t handle knowing my child was begging on the street. How were they not bitter against the man who killed their family?

But then I hear how God carried them through the deepest things and was with them and that made all the difference in their ability to endure…and I think, “Maybe God will help me too.” So I lean into him more, study his Word more and cling to it, and share it with others. And over time (perhaps longer than I hope), change starts to become evident.

I’d share some favorite episodes, but honestly, there are so many good ones. One stands out in my memory, but I’m unable to find it. The podcast was interviewing someone who met a Nigerian woman who lost her child in her arms from militants shooting into her house. I can’t even imagine that pain and terror. They said that her church family was critical for helping her find hope in the midst of her deep grief. They said she still struggles (as would I), but that she said the individuals in her church have made a huge difference in her ability to keep going and see that Jesus was still caring for her. This really encouraged me to lean into my own church family and those who were willing and able to help in my grief. (If you are able to find a link to this episode, can you share it below, please? I can’t seem to find it myself.)

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Summary

In conclusion, my journey of grief after loss has been an intricate and deeply personal one. The experience of losing my son shook the foundations of my faith, prompting me to grapple with deep questions about God's presence, His love, and the meaning of my existence. Through the compassionate guidance of my dedicated counselor, who embodied the love of Christ during my darkest moments, I began to navigate the treacherous terrain of grief and doubt. And it took years.

Discovering the stories shared by Voice of the Martyrs offered a unique perspective on loss and faith. While their challenges differed from mine, the common thread of life-altering loss linked our experiences. As I immersed myself in their stories of Jesus holding them fast despite persecution, I felt compelled to reorient my own pain toward a purpose centered on Christ.

These stories made me think: "If God can help them in their pain, then surely he can help me too." The resources provided by Voice of the Martyrs have become invaluable companions on my healing journey. Through their insights, I learned to channel my grief and pain into fervent prayer and a rested faith in Jesus, drawing strength from the examples of faith under duress.

In summary, my journey of grief is a testament to the pursuing love of Jesus and the transformative power of God’s Word working in people’s lives. The trials faced by my persecuted brothers and sisters serve as a beacon of hope, illuminating the path from sorrow to renewed purpose and my Jesus who will make all things new. As I continue along this path, my story stands as a testament to the enduring grace of God and the indomitable strength found in stories of suffering and triumph.

Soli Deo Gloria,
Kathy